Ulquiorra Declares War
by Vixen the Goddess Chevalier
Summary: Hostess has declared bankruptcy, which means no more Twinkies. What does no more Twinkies mean for poor Ulquiorra? It means war! He will have his Twinkies, even if he has to destroy the damn factory to get them! But Kagome won't let that happen, will she? Ichigo, why did you have to open your big mouth in front of the Vizard? Warning, lots of crack.


Okay, just because I couldn't help myself, I ended up writing a sequel to the sequel... this story is the sequel to Why Hostess Declares Bankruptcy. I thought it would be funny to see Ulquiorra go to war over Twinkies... and just for laughs, I'm going to have an Omake for this story coming out soon. It will be based about ten years after this.

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Ulquiorra walked out of a Gargantua, looking around him before walking up the steps to Kagome's house. He smiled as he knocked on the door, waiting for her to open it. When it did, and he saw Kagome's younger brother standing there, he blinked.

"Is Kagome home?"

Souta frowned a little, recognizing the man who had been coming to see Kagome a lot in the last few days. Sighing, Souta nodded and stood to the side so Ulquiorra could enter the house.

"Yeah. She's in the kitchen."

Ulquiorra grinned and walked into the house, heading right for the kitchen. He'd been over often enough in the last week to know where all the rooms were. He also knew that the Twinkies were located in the kitchen. Entering the kitchen, he smiled as he laid eyes on Kagome.

"Kagome!"

Kagome blinked and turned around as she heard a voice calling her name, recognizing the voice as Ulquiorra's.

"Ulquiorra. Let me guess... you came for some Twinkies?" Ulquiorra nodded and Kagome sighed. "I'm sorry Ulquiorra, but Hostess declared bankruptcy."

Ulquiorra blinked and cocked his head in confusion. He recognized the word from the factory a week ago, but he didn't know what it meant.

"Bankruptcy?"

Kagome sighed. She should have known Ulquiorra wouldn't know what that word meant.

"It means that there won't be any more Twinkies. The people who make them ran out of money... something happened at the factory that makes them, and now they've stopped making them."

Horror broke out across Ulquiorra's face.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Ichigo looked up from his training with the Vizards as he heard a yell, blinking and frowning.

"Hey! Pay attention!"

Ichigo's head snapped back to look at the person who shouted at him, and he jumped out of the way just as a sword came down were he had been standing, narrowly avoiding being cleaved in two. The blonde pigtailed Hayori was glaring at him.

"What's up with you? Why'd you suddenly take your attention off the fight like that?"

Ichigo sighed.

"Sorry... but I could have sworn I just heard Ulquiorra. I wonder what could have made him shout like that..."

Eight pairs of eyes looked at Ichigo with confusion and suspicion as Ichigo thought over what could have gotten such a reaction from the nearly emotionless Arrancar. As far as Ichigo knew, only one thing had ever made Ulquiorra show emotion and that was... understanding suddenly lit up Ichigo's face and the Vizard's looked at Ichigo with even more suspicion.

"I guess Ulquiorra just found out that there won't be any more Twinkies."

A 'WTF' look crossed almost every one of their faces.

"Twinkies? What the hell are you talking about?"

Ichigo sighed.

"Some spiritually aware girl introduced Ulquiorra to Twinkies about a week ago. Now he's obsessed with them... long story short, he's been visiting her practically every day for the past week just to get them. I'm guessing from the shout I heard, he's just now finding out that there won't be any more Twinkies." Ichigo shook his head as another thought occurred to him. "On another note, we found out the one thing Barragon is weak against."

The Vizard all raised an eyebrow and Ichigo snickered.

"Twinkies. He can't kill a Twinky. It was rather funny seeing Kagome toss a Twinky at him and him trying his hardest to kill it, but all he was doing was rotting the ground around it."

The Vizard all raised an eyebrow again.

"Kagome?" Shinji asked.

Ichigo blinked.

"Oh... Kagome is the spiritually aware girl that introduced Ulquiorra to Twinkies and the owner of the high concentration of spirit energy Renji, Rukia and I were sent to find last week." A thoughtful look came to Ichigo's face. "Although I'm still curious as to how she promised Ulquiorra Twinkies 500 years ago. She's a human... so how the hell is she still alive if she lived that long ago?"

The Vizards all narrowed their eyes.

"Take us to her. Now." Shinji said. Ichigo blinked, but shrugged and did as he was told. He'd been wanting to see Kagome again anyways...

Kagome stared at Ulquiorra as he continued to scream. It had been an hour already and he hadn't stopped. She was beginning to wonder if he was even alive. He didn't take a single breathe the entire time he was screaming. Sighing, Kagome stepped out on her front porch, just as nine people appeared. She blinked, looking them over before she recognized one of them as Ichigo. He had stopped by last week. She bowed to them.

"Oh... hello Ichigo. Who are your friends?"

Ichigo smiled at her.

"Just some people who wanted to met you. We wanted to ask you something..."

Kagome blinked and looked at the nine people. One of them stepped forward, his eyes narrowed as he looked at her.

"How is it you promised Ulquiorra Twinkies 500 years ago?"

Kagome blinked, and an 'Oh shit' look crossed her face. Before she could answer, something tore past her.

Ulquiorra finally stopped his screaming and turned around, anger sparking through his eyes, turning around, he tore out of the house, activation his Reserecction level 2. Out of pure memory, he tore down the street and made his way to the place he remembered the factory being. Looking around, he could see a few people. His eyes narrowed and he looked at the building. Rushing torward it, he burst through the wall, leaving a hole in the shape of his body. As the smoke from the rubble cleared, he could make out many humans staring at him. His eyes narrowed and he released all his spiritual pressure, making the humans drop to the ground. Stalking over to the machinary, he tore one of the pieces out of the ground.

"I... want... TWINKY!"

The humans started to panic, several of them screaming as he threw the piece of machinary.

"Ahhhhhhhh! It's a demon!"

Quickly, Ulquiorra started tearing up other pieces of machinary and throwing them around, all the while shouting out the words 'I want Twinky". He pulled up one machine and looked down as he tossed it, blinking at what he saw.

"Well... found the cream filling... but where's the Twinky?"

Grumbling, Ulquiorra went back to tearing up the factory, looking for his precious Twinkies. In a corner, the manager could be seen huddling and wimpering.

"Dear God... first all the Twinkies mysteriously vanish... now a demon breaks in and starts tearing the place apart... what next? An angel comes in and calms the beast?"

Kagome blinked as something tore past her. She could vaguely make out the form of a humanoid bat tearing down the street. Looking back into her house, she realized that Ulquiorra's screams had stopped. Which could only mean... what had just tore past her was Ulquiorra. Sighing, she looked at her guests.

"I'm sorry, but I can't answer your questions now. I have to take care of Ulquiorra. If my guess is right... he's heading for the Twinky factory and is gonna cause hell."

Running down the stairs, Kagome consentrated on a part of her Miko powers she's only recently acquired. Beautiful white wings sprouted from her back and she flew off after the faint trail of reishi that she could detect that had been left behind by Ulquiorra. At the top of the stairs, the vizard had run after her. Shinji stopped when he saw her sprout wings, his eyes wide and shock written across his face.

"Dear lord..."

Ichigo looked at Shinji, curiousity shown in his eyes.

"What? What is it?"

Shinji could only stare after Kagome as she flew after Ulquiorra.

"She's... she's a Miko. But they're supposed to be extinct... and the last one to have wings..." Shinji's eyes widened even more. "Was one Kagome Higurashi, 500 years ago."

Kagome finally reached the factory, her eyes narrowing as she heard the screams of fear coming from inside. Quickly she entered the building. Her eyes widened as she saw Ulquiorra tearing up machinery and throwing it around. She couldn't help but laugh as she heard his comment about finding the cream filling, but not the Twinky. Her bell like laughter filled the factory, and all activity stopped. All the humans stopped screaming, and Ulquiorra stopped tearing up the machinery. The manager even looked up from his corner.

"Ulquiorra. Stop destroying the factory."

Ulquiorra growled at her, still holding a large piece of machinery over his head. Sighing, Kagome walked out of the shadows she was in, her wings folded behind her back. Seeing her wings and the gentle expression on her face, the manager paled.

"Dear God... please don't tell me those two are married..."

Kagome shook her head and looked back at Ulquiorra.

"Now come on Ulquiorra. Stop tormenting these poor people. I'm sure I have something else at home that you'll like. It may not measure up to a Twinky, but I'm sure you'll find it just as good."

Ulquiorra sighed and tossed the machinery to the side. He couldn't say no to that face. Giving one last glare at the workers, Ulquiorra jumped over to Kagome and the two of them walked out of the factory side by side. Seeing them walk out of the factory, the managed fainted.

"Dear God... I don't even want to know want's next..."

Ulquiorra looked at Kagome as he walked out of the factory with her, reaching out and taking one of her hands as the walked out.

"So... what do you have that might be as good as Twinkies?"


End file.
